daeseage: Jade napping, using Bec as a pillow; from the webcomic Homestuck (Default)
I think my New Year's Resolution each year for the past few years has been to keep better records -- a planner, a journal, a budget. Anything, really. And yet again this year I am attempting to journal. We'll see how it goes. Feelings don't really belong here, in public, where people might read them, but longer updates and things can be fun to write, so I shall try to keep better track of them.

For the record, today is January 3rd, 2013, I haven't posted since July, I finished my undergraduate career several weeks ago, and I am attempting to stave off boredom, now that the holidays are over and there is still another week minimum before I will start working. In the last week, I attended several performances of the Reno Chamber Orchestra's annual Nevada Chamber Music Festical with EB, finished Rose Macaulay's "The Towers of Trebizond" and Terry Pratchett & Stephen Baxter's "The Long Earth", and didn't mail off thank you cards or finish very belated Christmas presents for my sisters and EB. I should maybe work on that...

I think I've really enjoyed the holidays this year, although there has been the looming worry of un/underemployment hanging over my head since about October. That's when things started to unravel, as my dad was avoiding me after coming out, midterms were picking up, EB was getting sick, and all I wanted to do was sleep. I ended up quitting rugby after spraining my ankle on Halloween at practice, and I'm still glad and sorry that I did so -- I was starting to make friends, and now I will have to start all over again with another group. But that's okay, since that's one of my Resolutions!

By Thanksgiving, I was practically in a panic -- sister the younger was having issues at home with my dad and in danger of failing some classes, and I was stressing about possibly moving her up here for her last semester and never being able to go home again. My dad still wasn't speaking to me, so the plan to go home for the long weekend to dogsit and keep him company while sister 2 and my mom were at a soccer tournament was scrapped, as was going back to the seed company, since I wouldn't have any place to live while I got settled. I ended up sleeping most of it and eating some of EB's family's Thanksgiving dinner leftovers. I don't know how she handles not being out to them and their apparent craziness. My family does some infuriating things sometimes, but I couldn't handle them not loving me for who I was. Even my dad's silent treatment was more him trying to process things, and the rest of my family has been incredibly supportive. I knew that graduating would be a surefire way to prove that I am still who I have always been and to make him proud, and I did barely scrape this semester together with straight Ds, and he did start calling again and everyone but sister 1 who is stuck in New York came up for graduation and went out to lunch and met EB and now I feel like I have a family again for sure.

Maybe that's why Christmas at home was such a relief.

And there I go, calling it home again, when it's not really. I only spent 4 days there, and yet I was itching to be back in Reno, where I belong, before we even got Christmas dinner on the table. I missed the quiet of my apartment and curling up with EB and all of the little things that I've become to used to. I left her my keys, since my roommates were out of town with their families so she could sleep somewhere safe and quiet and warm between overtime shifts, and she was there when I returned on the 26th, and that was like coming home. She then spent the best part of the last week staying at my apartment, and it felt so right. She found a house in midtown that we're going to look at soon. Together. To live in. The both of us. Together. I am so excited I could about burst!

The last few years have been nervewracking, and I don't really expect 2013 to be a walk in the park, but the first few hours of the New Year were some of the best of my life, and I think that makes for a really auspicious start! Here's to a new home, new friends, and a new job in the New Year!
daeseage: Jade napping, using Bec as a pillow; from the webcomic Homestuck (cuddle times)

The last month has been one of the most hectic in a while. There was the near break-down in mid-December, related to finals, the knowledge that I was failing classes, and the fear of not being able to pay for school and living expenses, etc. In the course of 36 hours I made the decision to withdraw from school and move back home for a little while. Although it was kind of ridiculously rash in retrospect, the relief that I felt at being able to shuck a few responsibilities, namely a full course-load and club leadership, was tangible, and honestly the best and least-stressed that I'd felt in weeks. I still had to coordinate moving home with my mom and get through explaining my apparent temporary failure to my dad, but everyone seems glad to have me home, and I'm soooo glad to be here. I miss Reno, and I miss my friends, and I miss some of the independence that I had living on my own, but this seems to be the right choice for me.

I've picked up a couple hours tutoring ESL to a pre-schooler who just moved back to the states from Egypt, and it's really interesting, and a lot of fun!! I'd never really thought of myself as a teacher, and I know that I don't get along with kids as well as my middle sister does (she's got some magic charm where she can get them to do pretty much anything, and they adore her for it. It works on a lot of adults, too. =/ ), but my student seems to like me well enough, and he's learning really quickly! I would actually like to spend more time with him, but his parents enrolled him and his little brother in a Montessori preschool, and really want him to get used to hanging out with other kids his age in a school environment. I still want to go to grad school and be a research Biologist, but I'm leaning more and more towards getting my teaching creditial when I settle somewhere and maybe spending a few years as a middle/high school science teacher. I have this fantasy where if I ever get together with EB, she'll go off to be her wonderful film-library self, and I can follow along to look after the house and make sure that she sleeps enough every night. I think I could do that as a teacher.

And this is where I do a 2X FACEPALM COMBO for being a romantic sap where people I know aren't looking, because I haven't even talked to the woman in a week, and I don't know if she even still wants to be friends. =/ It's totally my fault for not responding to a text last Saturday, but I was sick and had to take care of New Year's fireworks-panicked dogs, and then spent nearly all of last Sunday sick in bed with the worst headache I've had in years. I could have started up the conversation Monday, but I made the excuse that I had to help S pack up and get ready to go back to the army. And Tuesday she texted me to say she got my package, but I was too wrapped up in worrying about my interview and nervousness at talking again that I didn't respond. Wednesday I stared at my phone and went to work, and Thursday I hung out with Chloe and talked about Ladystuck and shared the best works that we've found so far. Friday, I worried some more, but decided that it was time to start in earnest on the housework I decided I'd put myself in charge of as part of compensation for living at home rent-free; I also got a text from EB saying she sent me the package of mix-CDs she'd been putting together since I left Reno. (OK, so maybe she does want to be friends...) and I made goulash for dinner. It was really good, too! Today I sent a her a "sorry I'm a moron" text explaining my tendency to panic over interrupted correspondence (I am the QUEEN of whatever nonsensical panic kingdom, which is why I rarely maintain friendships with people when we stop seeing each other regularly). I haven't heard back, but I'm going to try to keep my end of it up this time.

In other news, as mentioned above I've decided that I'm going to make an effort to keep the house and yard nice. Part of this includes a couple of large projects, like reseeding the back lawn and getting the garden ready for planting. Other parts include daily things like staying on top of the laundry (it's amazing the amount of laundry four people can produce!!) and the dishes. I also want to keep my room and bathroom neat. The latter may be more difficult since I share it with my youngest sister; she's a good kid, but she likes to look nice, and sometimes the counter looks like a hurricane ripped through when she's done getting ready in the morning. I also want to visit my grandma more often, finish a baby blanket for an old friend who's due in April, knit a whole bunch of things for a whole bunch of other people, participate in the [community profile] podficbigbang, do more podficcing in general, get an A in physics (although first I have to jump through flaming hoops at the community college and UNR to prove my prereqs and actually register for the damned class), and not go crazy being back in my hometown. It helps that I've got my own room this time around (my granmother's old room) and have my own space for the first time in about forever. All in all,. I'm looking forward to this year and this term, and I really hope that I can keep my stuff together this time so I can graduate next December and get my grown-up show on the road!




daeseage: Jade napping, using Bec as a pillow; from the webcomic Homestuck (Default)

January 2013

  12 345


RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit